Detective Squid Johnson here. How are you? Good. Me? I'm two sides of a coin. Sometimes even the rib. Either i'm good with just sittin' at my desk,smokin' cheap cigarrettes and drinkin' whiskey. Or bad,havin' a case about a serial killer that kills only illegal alien immigrants. I'm tellin' you,this town is F*cked Up. I'm readin' a new case right now with nothin' but moon light comin' through the window blinds showin' me what to read on this stinken' piace of documental garbage. Got a case about the serial "King Cobra" killer. That.....has something to do with cobras. As soon as i finish readin' this trash,that i hate so much but it still let's me afford smokes once a week,I reach out with my slimy squid tentacles to reach for my shady hat,grabbed my 10mm one shot camera with me. Just in case i'll need to capture somethin' "hot",either it's evidence or naked women.
Let's test it out:
I'll start my research at the night club "Kung-Fu Panda". I'll get my basic "Viper" there,a relative to a cobra. There's a "snake" i'd like to ask about his own kind. Codename "Snake eyes". Does drug dealin' with cranes,tigers and monkeys. The most famous case of drug trafficin' to the North Panda ever seen. But he doesn't touch the children,so i let him off the hook. But that's only for the time bein'.
Though i'll just keep my distance and examine him from afar.
Lookin' good Snaky,lookin' good. But let's move along.Seein' as you move around and your scales twitchin' from overdosin' the "Salt" are quite disturbing.
A little piggy,codename "Pigster Pug",told me about that i might find somethin' in the room number "The Prince of Egypt". But that was for the most part a waste of time.
Then i met some popular "mixed" kinds. I have no idea what were the likes of them doin' in a club like this,with them bein' the "gothic" kids. I think they're also in a band. What is it's name? Ah yes. Deathnote.
They're kind of hybrids of humans,crows and magical walrusses. But what's this? I shit you not when i say this. The Gothic kids brought their "mixed" parents with them to the club. Someone's been caught bein' interactive with children again.
Even my squid tentacles look like beauty after seein' these guys.
Remember when i said somethin' about somethin' "hot"? I think i've just hit the jackpot. Like any other cool detective i deserve a sexy girl in this story.
She's one of H.R.Giger's girls,no doubt. He has only the highest quality.
But is it me or is there somethin' off about her?
Nope,must be just my imagination.
My next stop was the strip club "Le X Man"
There i saw her. The nastiest girl i'd know in this forsaken town.
I really mean it when i say "nasty". She'll sleep with you,but you'll lose half of your organs in the process.And she'll even prank you by turnin' in to Eddie Murphy in the morning. Just horrible.
And there's her "regular" Reptile.
The usual "Candy Melt because my mouth is filled with f*ckin' acid" routine,eh,buddy?
I can already feel the morning comin'. Must've worked for a long time just checkin' and researchin' people who might be connected to the case. But i'm gonna turn from a squid in to a snake myself with workin' like this. I've got the "tired" eyes already.
I think i'll get some shut eye now. Won't be able catch a snake by it's tail in this state.
I'll just walk away with an explosion on the background and the Hulk theme playin'.
And i think i'll stop followin' women. They're gonna be a hindrance to this epic case.